Surprise! We are pregnant! We have been keeping a secret from ya’ll for over a month now and it has been one of the hardest secrets to keep. Some of ya’ll might have noticed do to my longer than usual absence on my blog, or my less frequent post on social media. These past couple weeks have been a blur. We’ve been so overjoyed by the news I wanted to shout it out from the rooftops. But it wasn’t till recently when we went for our first midwife appointment a week ago, and receiving some uncertain news that we decided we would share the news now even though we are not past our first trimester. Today on the blog I am sharing these beautiful photos our photographer took, more details of our pregnancy, and why we are choosing faith over fear. Read more below.
First of all, let’s talk about these photos. We took these photos literally hours after learning some uncertain news about our pregnancy. I remember being so worried about this shoot, wondering if I should even share this. But when I received my photos back I didn’t see fear, sadness, or worry, but instead I felt so much joy and hope. I didn’t see a mom who was worried, but rather a mom who was loved beyond words, who was the happiest she had ever been in her life, and a mom blessed beyond measure. Regardless of what will be, this life now is worth celebrating. I can’t thank our photographer Yash enough for capturing the spirit of our family from Jayden’s playfulness, to the unwavering love of my husband, to the immense joy in my heart. This is Us.
How We Found Out We Were Pregnant:
If you’ve been following us for awhile know you might know that we decided to try expanding our family in May. Jayden was an unexpected blessing, so this whole “trying” thing was new for us, and honestly stressful to even think about. Josh had started working two weeks on, one week off, so that made our chances even more slim considering he was home once a week every month, and you technically only have one day a month to get pregnant. But I got off the Mirena IUD which I had been on since I had Jayden (so four years), and I decided to track my period on the Ovia app. The app was the death of me. I swear it stressed me out because it would always predict my ovulation to be when Josh was away. But two months later I found out I was pregnant, and realized the Ovia app may have had my cycles off. To be fair I had two periods during that time and one was 15 days and the other 28 days so not consistent at all. I just remember being so upset at my husband after getting a negative pregnancy test, and him telling me not to freak out because I hadn’t gotten my period yet. Five days later after our mommy and me trip with friends I found out he was right all along.
My First Month Pregnant:
As soon as we found out I went to the doctor a week later to confirm the pregnancy. We were over joyed because it was unexpected and sooner than we thought. Especially now that we are both in our thirties we know the risk and also understand age can be a factor in getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy. Plus it’s been four years since we had Jayden and we also know there is such thing as second child infertility. My first couple weeks I was tired, exhausted, craved sweet and salty things, had heartburn, but overall I kept my nausea to a minimum. Aside from being tired all the time, I was enjoying this pregnancy.
Our Midwife Appointment:
I knew from when I had Jayden that I wanted to have an at home birth. I didn’t have a bad delivery (see Jayden’s birth story here), I just never 100% felt comfortable at the hospital. For me I always felt birth should feel more intimate and sacred so for this pregnancy I decided to go with a midwife for my pregnancy care and delivery. Our first midwife visit I felt at home, and I knew I made the right choice. I felt empowered and I felt a sense of trust with my midwives. When we had the ultrasound I was measuring two weeks behind than I expected. We saw or little speck but couldn’t hear the heartbeat. I was so distraught because I was ready to hear our baby’s heart beat. Our midwife calmly told us it could be two things, one I’m earlier than expected, two it isn’t a viable pregnancy, and the only thing we could do was wait to find out. Only time will tell.
Why We Are Sharing This Now:
I decided to share this now not only to celebrate the good news, or share my testimony in faith, but also to reach women who are in similar situations and feel alone. It’s crazy how we are all programmed to wait till the first trimester to share the news of our pregnancy because of the idea something can go wrong. But anything can go wrong in a pregnancy regardless of what trimester it is. It’s unfair for us to live in fear of the the what ifs when we can celebrate the miracle that is happening now. Miscarriages are more common than you think, 1 in 4 will experience a loss, and the older you get the more likely it will happen. But why should we face this alone? Why should we only mourn the loss, when we could have celebrated what could be. Pregnancy gives us hope of a new life, let us celebrate that in every stage regardless of where you are. And if you have experienced a loss or are going through one, know you are not alone. And also know just because you have a miscarriage or cannot have children on your own, does not mean you are broken, does not mean you aren’t good enough, does not mean you aren’t meant to be a mom. God made you exactly has you are. Your path may look differently than others but it’s your path. God has plans for you, trust in God’s plan.
Where We Are Now:
So here we are now, waiting. It was a tough couple of days when we found out that uncertain news, but after speaking to our family, close friends, and praying we have been overcome with a sense of peace and understanding. My husband and my son have been my rock and my source of joy. Their unwavering faith, and support has helped me get out of my head and focused on what’s in my heart. As hard as it can be waiting on the uncertainty, I can’t help but feel so much joy. I look at these two and see two my biggest blessings that were unplanned. I never planned to fall in love with this man, but God provided me with my best friend, the best husband, and the best dad to my son I could ever ask for. When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I was so worried, unsure of the future, but God answered my prayers again. I look at my son and see my whole world. I know he will be an amazing big brother one day.
We are hoping for the best and preparing for the worse. But we have also realized our “worse” is not such a negative thing. Regardless of what happens we are still so thankful, so joyful, and trust in what God has in store for us. Our family will grow in God’s time, when it’s meant to be. Whether it be from my womb, through fostering, adoption, or all of the above, we trust God’s plan. My mother who is the wisest woman I know use to sing this song to me when I was little, and to this day is sticks to me. Every time I am worried, or anxious about something in life, she always tells me,” Pray about it, and if it’s meant to be, it will be.” So I leave you with this, in the words of Doris Day:
Que será, será
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que será, será
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Photos by BanAvenue Photography